In today’s episode of Why Is This State Like This, a Florida man was arrested for allegedly stealing signs of Smokey the Bear — yes, that Smokey — and trying to flip them for $1,900 each on Facebook Marketplace.

Let’s pause there. He didn’t steal a truck, or money, or even copper wire. He stole Smokey. The. Bear. signs. The ones that say “Only YOU can prevent forest fires”? Yeah, those.

According to Florida Agriculture Commissioner Wilton Simpson (who is truly the star of this press conference), the man was caught red-handed. Or rather, grease-fingered? Sap-stained? Either way, busted.

“What an idiot. What an idiot,” Simpson said — twice, for emphasis.

Smokey — apparently not just a fire safety icon but also part-time vigilante — helped spot the suspect in a forest where officers were patrolling. Because yes, Florida forests have their own law enforcement team, and yes, Smokey was present.

“If you’re going to go in and commit crimes in our forests,” Simpson added, “you probably need to find a different place.”

Translation: you just got outwitted by a bear in a hat who doesn’t even talk.

The signs, which belong to Florida’s wildfire prevention efforts, were part of a serious campaign. In 2024 alone, Florida battled wildfires that scorched 24,000 acres, performed over 277,000 acres of controlled burns, and spent $93 million on upgraded gear — and yes, deployed Smokey to warn everyone not to be dumb.

And here comes one guy trying to make a quick buck by treating Smokey Bear like some limited-edition merch drop.

“Who goes and steals an image of Smokey the Bear and then tries to profit off of that?” Simpson asked.Great question. Answer: A Florida man.

The suspect, who remains unnamed, was taken to jail. Criminal charges are pending, but Simpson made one thing clear:

“Smokey Bear is on the job also.”

So let this be a lesson to all would-be criminals: Don’t mess with the bear.Because in Florida, he might actually fight back.